The 7 Rules for Cool Rocket League Cars

Cool Rocket League Cars. Hmm. Now, that’s a broad topic. What’s “cool”? Doesn’t that vary from person to person? Never to fear! In Rocket League, there very much are lame and cool cars. In this article, I’ll take you through some of the hottest vehicles and some of the most cringe-worthy!

What are the rules for having a fresh ride?

Rule 1: Fashionable

Fortunately, there are rules that decide what’s fashionable or not. Here’s the basic one: if you’d feel like an idiot driving a car in public in real life, it’s probably not Cool Rocket League Cars. Take the Scarab, which is basically a moon rover. It’s funny, goofy, and looks like a clown car. It’s not going to pass our criteria here. There’s virtually no way to take it seriously. I’ve seen Scarab’s with FireGods, Titanium White Apex’s, and everything else but there is still no chance to avoid laughing at it. It’s just… absurd.

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Rule 2: Edges

And that takes us to our second rule: edges. The more edges, the cooler. Generally speaking, if it has a smooth surface, it probably won’t be terribly fashionable to use—and the vice versa. That’s not entirely due to cosmetics, because honestly there is something to be said about higher-level players using sharp-edged vehicles like the Octane because they’re just easier to operate. A smooth surface will make the ball harder to hit predictably and with force, so it’s something of a double whammy to our poor Scarab buddy.

Rule 3: Bulky

Don’t be bulky. Nothing will kill the coolness of a car like a bulky frame. The Roadhog and especially the Roadhog XL are great examples. They’re huge, overbearing trucks and they are rare to find in upper-level communities. The Proteus also falls into that category. Interestingly enough, there doesn’t seem to be a big problem with appearance factoring in. Personally, I love to see a large vehicle like the Roadhog XL decked out with high-quality gear… but I rarely use mine. Why? Because it handles like a three-legged rhino. I don’t know how much of it is in my head, but I feel unbelievably clumsy in a big body like that. Since many players share that, bulky cars are often thrown to the side in terms of popularity.

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Rule 4: No Confusion

Don’t be confusing. Guys. Girls. Alpacas. Listen here. Some cars have all the potential in the world but then, you actually send up seeing them and you’re moderately turned off. Take the Vulcan, which is some crazy jet-powered, wing-toting, weird-wheel-possessing behemoth. Sounds awesome, right? Yeah, it is! But… it looks goofy in the game itself because it’s so not what people have come to expect that it ends up being weird and confusing. If a car is too “out there,” it won’t be very popular because people just can’t get a good feeling from it. Even the Dominus GT, a base car, has a better fan base because at least you can look at it and know what you’re going for with the whole muscle-car vibe. What does the Vulcan have for a theme? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Rule 5: Colors

Come in different colors. Oh, this is a biggie. Most cars that don’t achieve lots of popularity and therefore become a cool Rocket League car aren’t found in anything other than their basic color. People like to customize their ride. If they didn’t, nobody would own different vehicles in real life. No, people love modding out their cars. We change their wheels, their antennas, their paint jobs, their engine sounds… and basically everything else. If a body doesn’t let us do that, often times it doesn’t get much love because it’s just losing a fun feature.

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Rule 6: Customize

Be customizable. Okay, this one leapfrogs off the last one, but it’s true so I’m going to put it in here anyway. It still is mindboggling to me that some cars are simply not customizable. Look. I’m as big of a fan as Batman as anyone, but I never drive the Batmobile because I look like everyone else and that bugs me. Where’s the creativity? Where can I let out my desire to appear unique? Or the Jurassic Park Jeep. I’m an enormous fan of the Jurassic Park series. I mean, an enormous one. I went to go see the most recent one three or four times in theaters in a week. But do I use the Jeep? No siree. I do not, because again, there’s not much to do with it and I like to customize.

Rule 7: Up-to-Date

Be current or vintage. This one is something somewhat intuitive, but here goes: new stuff makes you look cool. I know. Shocker. If a new vehicle just came out in crate, unless it looks like garbage to start with, it’ll be fashionable for quite some time until the buzz wears off. The Animus GP and my precious Centio V17 fell to this. Both were the peak and soared in popularity and then died off rather immediately, especially the Animus GP. The Rocket League community is somewhat fickle, so keep that in mind before trading lots of your best stuff for a brand-new car that might lose its value.

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Summary

So. What’s the big answer? You might have come here expecting me to itemize a bunch of models that would make you look cool, but I won’t. It’s impossible because styles change and it varies. New content will come out all the time and soon, it’ll be rendered obsolete. Cool Rocket League Cars just don’t stay the same for long enough to accurately give you an answer to that.

But. Luckily for you, there is one answer that I can give you about the all-time coolest vehicle of all time: whatever you like. Honestly. That’s it. That’s the whole spiel. You can read all the rules and memorize them and take them to heart, but it won’t do you a lot of good. Use whatever you like! Personally, there’s not a lot that I love more than a Titanium White Centio. Someone could hand me a Titanium White Octane and I’d trade it away and get my Centio. Some people think it’s a goofy car, and that’s fine! I ran a Scarab for months. I made my first forty levels with a Roadhog XL. Use whatever you enjoy, and in the end if you’re happy, that’s what matters!

Until next time, get out there and have some fun!

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